Wednesday, November 19, 2014

The All The Emotions Project

Sometimes, we fight about stuff that isn't very important. The fights seem trivial and odd. But usually, there's more going on underneath the surface.

For example, Mr. Sean (aka the two-almost-three-year-old) is very much outgrowing his toddler bed. And so I, Melissa, decided that a new bed for him would become Part I of a never-ending refinishing job we'll call: The All The Emotions Project.

I watched a couple of DIY chalk paint videos online and bought the paint and wax. I was pumped and Jake was pumped. We were blissfully unaware of what was to come.

The first bump in the road was when Jake realized that chalk paint does away with the need to power sand furniture—even though I explained this fact to him like a million times. He denies I said anything, but I did. It's the entire point of chalk paint, and why the stuff costs a small fortune.

So Jake got upset because he likes sanding. Therefore, removing the sanding part felt like I was removing him from The Project. Then I got upset because re-painting furniture without the hassle of sanding had become (in my heart) this soul nourishing, creative outlet. I needed to be rid of the sanding. I cried and stormed off, not quite realizing why this fight was triggering such depth of emotion in both of us.

A while later, when I had processed and fumed some more, I informed Jake that it didn't matter if there was no sanding, I had to paint with chalk paint. I needed to make something beautiful in a short timeframe and he could go to hell.

I'm so sweet when I want to be.

I wasn't upset about the thing—the actual refinishing project. I was upset about the thing behind the thing—having two kids that suck the life out of me and desperately wanting something easy and creative to do. There were all kinds of emotions boiling underneath the surface that I'd had no idea about.

Jake accepted this and dealt with his own frustration as well. We moved on.

I trolled Craigslist for a couple of weeks and managed to score us an entire kid bedroom set for $90.00. But the bed part was a stackable bunk bed, something we can't use right now. Sean is two and he thinks he can fly. The bed needed to be on the ground.

Yay, I thought. Now Jake can be part of The Project again and all will be well. I asked him to build legs or a base for the bed frame so we could make it more like a real bed and less like a mattress on the floor. A couple of heated conversations ensued and for the life of me, I couldn't figure out why Jake was getting so angry.

He started throwing around phrases like, "It can't be done," and, "We should never have bought this."

All this drama to add four legs to a bed frame? I was flabbergasted. I informed him that there was no need for this level of emotion (completely forgetting my own meltdown a couple of weeks prior) and went to play with the kids. The next day Jake apologized and explained he'd needed time to process what I wanted and he also felt like all of my ideas about the bed legs challenged his ideas. He thought I was controlling him and taking away his part in The Project.

He wasn't actually upset about building legs, there were emotions being triggered by bed-leg-building.

So we realized we're a hot mess when it comes to refinishing furniture! For whatever reason, we both feel very deeply about sanding and painting right now. Which is fine as long as we become more aware of our feelings and try to treat each other more gently as we move forward.

We've made a little pact—I can't read Jake's mind and he can't read mine, so we're going to try communicate better when we feel strongly about a part of this refinishing project. We're going to try to explain why we feel upset and how the other person can support us through these emotions. It's not a fool-proof plan, but hopefully it will cut down on arguments and teach us to be more graceful towards each other.

Next up...the dresser!

13 comments:

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    After 12years of marriage, me and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me and moved to California to be with another woman. I felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, I was really upset and i needed help, so i searched for help online and I came across a website that suggested that Dr Unity can help get ex back fast. So, I felt I should give him a try. I contacted him and he told me what to do and i did it then he did a (Love spell) for me. 28 hours later, my husband really called me and told me that he miss me and the kids so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and he apologized for his mistake,and for the pain he caused me and the kids. Then from that day,our Marriage was now stronger than how it were before, All thanks to Dr Unity. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the internet that Dr.Unity real and powerful spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact: Email him at: Unityspelltemple@gmail.com , you can also call him or add him on Whats-app: +2348071622464 , you can also visit his website: https://urgentspell.blogspot.com .

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  5. I must say 2016 & 2017 was the years of me trying so hard beyond many desperate measures to gain back love, trust and happiness from my better half after he left. After trying so hard beyond desperate measures to unite with my husband throughout the years, I became confused, frustrated for all the goals, hopes and ardent wishes of uniting my family. I thought maybe he is not really meant for me.
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  7. Henderson Elizabeth
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  8. POWERFUL SPELL CASTER THAT BROUGHT MY EX HUSBAND BACK INTO MY LIFE AFTER HE LEFT ME EMAIL HIM VIA EMAIL INFINITYLOVESPELL@GMAIL.COM OR INFINITYLOVESPELL@YAHOO.COM ADD HIM ON WHATSAPP +2348118829899

    Hello my fellow friends online I'm Diana Gilbert from USA, I want to use this medium to thank Dr Great because he brought back my Ex husband. my husband left me for his ex girlfriend he had before he married me it's a difficult situation for me I called and beg him to come back he refused he said he don't love me anymore I tried every possible way to get him back all was in vain I told my friend about it and she gave me Dr Great email and I emailed him and told him my problem and he told me what to do and I did it and he cast a love spell which brought back my husband within 24 hours. If you need help in getting back together with your Ex, email Dr Great at infinitylovespell@gmail.com or infinitylovespell@yahoo.com WhatsApp him +2348118829899

    ReplyDelete
  9. The help from dr_mack@yahoo.com was fantastic, My lover left his other girlfriend and we came back together.———— I am so happy ————-forever.”

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hi every one i am Janet Jordan and i am from USA, I had a fight with my husband about three years ago and since then he has refuse to talk to me or even care about our family affair he abandoned us and went after another woman leaving me with three kids two girls and a boy,so last weeks a friend of my introduced me to a spell caster called Dr. Ozil who helped me brought my husband back many think he is a scam but i promise you that he is nothing compare to that not even close so if you have some problems in having or getting your ex back you can contact the great and wonderful spell caster Dr. Ozil in this address and he be willing to help you via: drozilsolutionhome@yahoo.com or drozilsolutionhome@outlook.com Call or WhatsApp: +2348161897826 View his website for more reviews about him: http://drozilsolutionhome.website2.me/

    ReplyDelete

Our goal of this blog is to share stories (both good and bad), thoughts and insights about our marriage and we would love for you to jump into the conversation.

The goal is to provide three things:
1) HOPE for struggling couples that they are not alone.
2) GROWTH in our marriages and our understanding of marriage.
3) ENCOURAGEMENT to keep loving your spouse unconditionally.