Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Friendship & Marriage

I used to expect way too much from my friendships, both as a single person and after I got married. There were some wounded places from my family history that I expected my friends to heal and fulfill. After I did some work with a counselor, my husband, and God, I realized something pretty important:

My friends need to be who they are and I need to be who I am.

This is especially true in friendships with other couples and in the transition some of us have begun to make into parenthood. Jake and I have been blessed with so many wonderful friends over the years and we realize that each and every couple (and individual within that couple) is different. They have different lifestyles, jobs, personalities, finances, living situations, ministry demands, childcare responsibilities, and spiritual lives. Just as Jake and I have have our own unique life together and way of living it.

A good deal of the idealistic views we had about friendship and community back when our marriage was new have honestly turned out to be total crap! We have learned a valuable lesson; to treasure each moment with our friends whether it be the ones we can call last minute to come over for dinner, the ones that we might see every month or two at most, or the ones we Skype with every so often because we live far apart.

Friendships should be mutually enriching, giving, understanding and pressure free. Yes, both parties need to make effort, but Jake and I have learned to understand that life is a constant state of flux and in order to simply enjoy our friends, we all need to relax and accept where we each are in life.

And sometimes we see our friends separately. I will Skype or get coffee with my girlfriends all alone (it's glorious!) and then Jake will go off with his guys to play Xbox or have a phone chat (although men don't chat I suppose...they would do something more manly like "discuss" or "check in man". Hey man, I'm just checkin' in on ya.)

We are so freaking grateful to have amazing friends. And we know how important it is to enjoy each and every one of them!

3 comments:

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Our goal of this blog is to share stories (both good and bad), thoughts and insights about our marriage and we would love for you to jump into the conversation.

The goal is to provide three things:
1) HOPE for struggling couples that they are not alone.
2) GROWTH in our marriages and our understanding of marriage.
3) ENCOURAGEMENT to keep loving your spouse unconditionally.