Saturday, January 19, 2013

Life Update


I'd just like to share some bits of great news with all our wonderful readers. Firstly, we are happy to say that after an intense, emotional year of waiting, a judge finally decided to terminate the parental rights of our foster son's birth-parents. This sounds harsh, but it is the best decision for our son. And we are beyond thrilled. We wait another three weeks for the appeal period to be over and then we can move into the adoption process. Our little guy turned one this week and had his first ice cream and enjoyed smashing a cake. He's walking now and says, "Raaaarrrrr!" when we ask, "What does a dinosaur say?" His smile lights up the room and we are so blessed to have him in our life. We can't wait for the day when we can legally call him our son.

Secondly, I (Melissa of course, it would be weird if it was Jake) am currently 20 weeks pregnant! It was a definite surprise after years of failed fertility treatments. We had actually decided to try 2 rounds of IVF this summer. A decision that was not made lightly. We made the choice not to discard any embryos, but it turned out that part of our fertility problems was embryo quality. Meaning the embryos would stop growing and not develop into a baby. Hence the miscarriage I had before. So we did have enough to try the two times, but both times failed and we hung up the towel on biological children. The doctors said that we could probably get pregnant if we kept doing round after round of IVF, but that it wasn't likely to happen naturally. And so we decided to be fully done with fertility stuff and if we ever wanted child # 2, we'd just trust we could adopt again somehow (having faith at this point that our foster son would be adopted).

So I went back to running, got off all the crazy meds, enjoyed my wine and beer again and wham! One month later, a pregnancy test came back positive. I actually put off taking the test for a couple days. I was like, "No Melissa! We are not going through this again! It's not happening, you let it go, so go have a glass of wine with dinner and forget about it." But I kept having this nagging feeling. And sure enough...a couple weeks later we heard a heartbeat! It was the weirdest moment. Right up there with walking into a hospital a year ago and leaving with a beautiful black baby, hoping no one would think I'd stolen him :)

So far baby Kircher is developing well. However, as joyful as this is, the pregnancy has been far from easy for me. I like to say, "There was a darn good reason it took six years to work!" I have been sick the entire time (all day morning sickness, virus, sinus infection, UTI, food poisoning..etc.) and I swear this kid is going to come out with ten heads after all the medication I've been on. I've been in a lot of pain as well. So we'd love prayers that my body would toughen up a bit and the rest of the pregnancy would go much smoother. But we ARE excited AND freaking out about having two little ones under two by June. How fast and crazy life changes after years of waiting!

Needless to say life is flipping nuts. I'm sick all the time, the kiddo is running around now and getting into everything, Jake's working full time and I'm trying to write part-time. Oh and we have our first marriage book coming out this February (Published by Group Publishing, more info to come). AND I'm turning 30 next month. Oh the humanity!

I think Jake and I are both learning a fair bit of "letting go." Ha! So much letting go has been happening over the past year I feel like it'd be really nice for God to be like, "Alright, now here have some control over this." Not to be of course. God has His plans. I have mine. Sometimes they're the same, sometimes not. What are you gonna do?

We've also been learning to laugh. Maybe me more than Jake. I have a hard time taking it easy. But a 1-year-old has now put me in my place. He is constantly doing things that make Jake and I look at each other and die laughing. The other night we gave him a plain old pancake and the kid acted like he was high as a kite! Laughing and giggling and eating and going, "Mmmmmm" and laughing hysterically some more. Grinning from ear to ear while bits of pancake spilled out of his mouth. We couldn't help but crack up.

Is marriage changing? Yes. But do I feel like we're caving into the American tendency to center everything around kids, despite the pressures and time drain that foster care has created? No.
For example, my 30th birthday present isn't a big party like I always envisioned, because now all I want is a date with my husband. Just time for us. And we went away before Christmas, just the two of us, for an entire week. And despite the fact that I was crazy sick the whole felt normal. Fluid. Like back before there was a cute being screaming at us to change his poopy diaper. We make family time now. But we also try to make time for each other.

Check back in when it's June though! You never know how two kids will change things. I might just have my head in the clouds. I guess we'll just have to wait and see!! Until then, I'm going to try not let pregnancy destroy what remains of my sanity and body and we're just going to keep going with the flow and be grateful for all the good things that 2013 will bring.



  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Jake and Melissa, I have been reading your blog for a couple years now and I just wanted to say thanks and a huge congrats! God has a way to humble us to remember His timing over our own!

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Our goal of this blog is to share stories (both good and bad), thoughts and insights about our marriage and we would love for you to jump into the conversation.

The goal is to provide three things:
1) HOPE for struggling couples that they are not alone.
2) GROWTH in our marriages and our understanding of marriage.
3) ENCOURAGEMENT to keep loving your spouse unconditionally.