Friday, November 9, 2012

The Biggest Marriage Killer

I recently got to officiate my first wedding of a former student of mine. It was a really great experience to walk along side this couple in the months leading up to their wedding and an honor to perform the ceremony. The biggest pressure I faced was putting together the homily. What do I tell them about marriage in ten minutes? How do I pack such a big thing into a short and concise talk? It left me thinking about what is the most important thing when it comes to marriage. And this is what I came up with:

A little over a year ago when I was doing some research about what the Bible says marriage is all about I discovered something I thought was pretty interesting. Not once within the Bible does the Hebrew or Greek language ever use a word that literally means “marriage” or “married.”

Instead, you have three different verbs that meant “to take a wife,” “to bind or unite” and “to give in marriage.” They more described the process of becoming married. The other references to marriage actually referred to the man and the woman. After a man took a wife, he was no longer referred to as a man but instead a husband. The same thing for the woman, when she was given in marriage, she was now called a wife.

Names and titles were extremely important in Jewish culture. For a man to not be called just a man anymore; for a woman to not just be titled a woman, but for the two of them to now be called a husband and a wife is crucial to understanding marriage. Marriage was not just an act or something two people did; instead it was something two people became and it changed their entire identity.

The change in this identity exposes the key to any healthy marriage, which is selflessness. Being called a husband and a wife rather than just a man or a woman indicates that you are not your own anymore. Your decisions, your dreams, your goals, your actions all have to take into account this other person that you are uniting yourself to in marriage. Selfishness will kill your marriage faster than anything else. Your ultimate goal now in your relationship is to consider the needs of the other above your own, to serve one another, to love one another unconditionally.

Now the catch will all of this, is that this is actually impossible to do 100% of the time. It takes practice and a lot of trial and error along the way. If there is anything that I hope you guys have heard me say in our time together it is that life, relationship and marriage are messy…and that’s ok. It’s the messes and the fights and the difficult times that actually beat the selfishness out of us if we let them. It is those things and the person we are with who help refine us to be a better person and a better spouse in the long run.

I have learned via my own marriage three important things to living selflessly. First and foremost, learn to listen to one another. Selfish people are quick to speak, defend and argue what they want. Listening and being slow to speak will help you truly come to understand one another and will you to consider their needs and wants and not just your own.

Second, don’t be afraid of asking for help. In the Garden of Eden when God told Adam it was not good for man to be alone, He wasn’t just talking about a wife in Eve. God is His wisdom of creating Eve gave them the opportunity to procreate and make more people because He knew that we need other people to really make it through life. When you hit a rough patch in your marriage seek out an older couple to get advice, be quick to go see a counselor or find trusted friends to talk with. Conquering selfishness cannot be done alone but we need a whole group of people to help us get there.

Lastly, constantly strive to be the first one to initiate the love you have for each another. A lot of times, relationships can be caught up in a tit for tat kind of cycle saying, “When my spouse does this, then I will do that.” Selfless love though gives without the expectation of being given in return and if you both learn to give in that way, you will both constantly get what you need at the same time.

11 comments:

  1. I feel like marriage is a long exercise in developing selflessness.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You bring up a very interesting key to a happy marriage: selflessness, in a way that we acknowledge that we are no longer independent but dependent on our significant other. It’s true that my husband and I do find a unique pleasure in trying to do all that we could for the other. And by no means can we do this at every second of our time together; we need to be aware of the other’s needs and make every feasible effort to make the other person as happy as possible. By doing so, we are letting each other know that the most important person in our lives is our spouse. It’s pleasing and adds a specific sense of security, knowing that his thoughts are on me. I’m very impressed by the three tips you cite for a happy marriage. Listening, asking for help, and initiating love. We’re conscious of these three things and we make all the effort to make sure we live by them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My Name is Jesica Peralta , i am from United States, I want to use this golden opportunity to appreciate the great spell caster called LORD MASUKA for helping me get back my relationship with my ex boyfriend, my bf left dumped me for another guy few months ago i really love him so much and my was so hurt my life was shattered without her in my life, one fateful a friend of mine introduce me to this powerful spell caster who i contacted, he performed a powerful spell for me and within 24 hours To my greatest surprise my ex boyfriend came home on his knees that i should find a place in my heart to forgive him,i was truly astonished and shocked when my ex bf knelt down begging for forgiveness and for me to accept him back.. I am really short of expressions, and i don't know how much to convey my appreciation to you LORD MASUKA you are a God sent to restore broken relationship. And now i am a joyful man.Email: Via: lordmasukaspelltemple@hotmail.com Anyone that is in the same line of problem or having difficulties in there marriages should contact: lordmasukaspelltemple@hotmail.com or call his mobile number +2347053105287 or visit my facebook page https://web.facebook.com/Lord-Masuka-Spell-Home-291373891376972/



      Delete
  3. Oh how I needed to read this tonight. I'm a newlywed (we celebrate 4 months on tuesday!) Marriage is like holding up a mirror to yourself and I'm realizing just how selfish I can be (add being an only child, living my own for 8 years, getting married at 31 to the mix- i can see why I'm selfish!). Selflessness is a beautiful thing but a long process. Love this post!

    ReplyDelete





  4. My husband left me to be with another woman. and wanted him back. i was jealous and it made us argue all the time until he vanished away, I was desperate to get him back, I wasted so much time and money on getting my lover back after I have tried almost all possibilities to have him back and nothing worked. I became lonly for 2 years. To make it short, I found a spell caster Mr Robinson buckler by accident. I don’t know how I found him and i cant remember. But, when I first saw the good testimonies about his wonderful work and after reading the Testimonials, I decided I had to try and give it one last shot. After the spells, a miracle happened, my husband came home. it was awesome, anyone who needs help, should email robinsonbuckler@yahoo. com He is the best.

    ReplyDelete
  5. name is carol and I live in USA, My life is back again... After 5years of Broken marriage, my husband left me with kids .I felt like my life was about to end and I almost committed suicide, I was emotionally down for a very long time.Thanks to a spell caster called dr. ovia, which I meet online, On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet and I came across a lot of testimonies about this particular spell caster.Some people testified that he brought their Ex boyfriend back, some testified that he restores Womb,Cure Cancer and Herpes Virus and HIV Cure,diabitis hapatitis b, and other sickness, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce and so on. I also come across one particular testimony and it was about a woman called jenni, she testified about how he brought back her Ex lover in less than 2 days and at the end of her testimony she dropped Dr. ovia email address: droviaspiritualtemple@gmail.com After reading all these,I decided to give it a try and I contacted him through his via email and explained my problem to him. In just 48 hours, my husband came back to me, and we solved our issues, we are even happier than before Dr. ovia is really a gifted man and I will not stop testifying him because he is a wonderful man and so powerful, If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve all your problems. contact him on this email:droviaspiritualtemple@gmail.com or call +2348135858735
    GOODLUCK..

    ReplyDelete
  6. robinson.buckler@yahoo.com is a wonderful spell caster. Very trustworthy, My husband cheated on me for Almost for three years. he ignore me for several months and left me with nothing, but i am happy today that Robinson brought my husband back, I am so happy, Now my husband is all mine again. I can now say I'm happy again. Great spell from Robinson buckler, Robinson is genuine. I truly believe in him and his spells. he is a professional. I really enjoyed the result which i got, his love spell is marvelous, he is truly gifted, his love spell has brought me happiness, I am extremely pleased, it worked out to my test, he has the most powerful love spell, I recommend his love spell to anyone who is ready to get his or her lover back, contact Robinson buckler or call him +1-971-512-6745
    Ashely Kenneth
    California USA

    ReplyDelete


  7. I am Mrs. VANISSA DANIEL from USA, i want to share a testimony of my life to every one. i was married to my husband, and i love him so much we have been married for 4 years now with three kids. when he went for a vacation to RUSSIAN he meant a lady called SANDRA, he told me that he is no longer interested in the marriage any more. i was so confuse and seeking for help, i don't know what to do until I met my friend miss joy and told her about my problem. she told me not to worry about it that she had a similar problem before and introduce me to a man called prophet jeremiah omoto who is man of God for her ex and bring him back to her after 2days. Miss joy ask me to contact prophet jeremiah omoto I contacted him to help me bring back my husband and he ask me not to worry about it that the God of his fore-fathers will fight for me. He told me by two days he will re-unite me and my husband together. After two day my husband called and told me he is coming back to sought out things with me, I was surprise when I saw him and he started crying for forgiveness. Right now I am the happiest woman on earth for what this great MAN OF God did for me and my husband, you can contact prophet jeremiah omoto on any problem in this world, he is very nice, here is his EMAIL contact: prophetmercyland@gmail.com or watch him television marcylandtv com or +2347055176617 .






    ReplyDelete
  8. It\'s Good for herpes patient to please read my testimony,my name is Garrick Collins i am from California USA.I caught genital herpes from my ex girlfriend who never had any symptoms. I have had it for 1 year now, and it has affected my life. I have told my boyfriends who I trusted about it and I have never had a bad reaction, it has affected my new relationships with Damon People think herpes is really a minor skin irritation,herpes has a long term effects on health.The stigma attached to this virus by ignorant people is ridiculous. Most people have herpes in one form or another. I would like to advise people on how i got rid of my herpes.i was reading a comment on the internet,and i saw a testimony posted by a woman from island that she got rid of her herpes with the help of doctor boadi .so i was so happy when i saw that post,that his herbal medication is free.i quickly collected the herbal doctor\'s email drgodstimeboadi@gmail.com and i mailed him within 5 hours he responded to my mail and i told him my problems, he told me not to worry myself again that his herbal medicine will cure me, he told me the truth about his work that the only thing i need to do is to pay for the delivery fee so the medicine can gets to me which i did though i doubted him first, but to my greatest surprise, he asked for my home address and three days later the medicine was delivered to me through the DHL. and i took the medicine according to his prescription. to cut the story short. am now negative and today am living happily....to the herpes patients contact him, he\'s legit and we have come together to put this to public notice,he drop his email drgodstimeboadi@gmail.com email him if you have be tested positive,or suffering from the infection of herpes virus, you can also whats-app him on +2348144964531

    ReplyDelete
  9. Sitting in this doctor's office, I know you can't hear a thing. Everything has faded to a blur. Herpes Simplex Virus (HSV) has just become a reality for me. i feel like my life is over, like i've come to the end. i've felt like an outcast my entire life but now it feels like that mentality has been reaffirmed. i wanted to run away, for good this time.

    But as fate may have it, i came across an online testimony of how someone was CURED of Herpes Simplex Virus (HSV-2) by a Herbal Doctor named (Dr. Vikraft Sambo).

    At first, i didn't believe because there are lots of frauds and scammers online who also post fate testimony online, and also my doctor told me that there is no proven cure yet. So all these were the reason i had a doubt in the first place.
    But i later decided to give it a try because i have nothing else to lose.

    To my greatest surprise, Dr. Vikraft Sambo NEVER DEMANDED FOR ANY FEE when i contacted him. All he did was to give me a Herbal mixed english liquid Medicine and guidelines on how i am to take them. I followed all procedures as instructed, and within 13 days of taking the medicine, i then went back for a check up, and i was tested NEGATIVE.

    If you are interested in getting cured of your own Illness or any STD's,

    You can contact the doctor that cured me, with the following communication link. Dr. Vikraft Sambo;

    E-mail: (vikraft.sambo@gmail.com).
    Call or Whatsapp on: +1 518 660 6915

    https://vikraftsambo.wixsite.com/vikraftsamboherbs


    BEWARE OF FRAUDSTERS ONLINE.

    ReplyDelete
  10. My Name is Jesica Peralta , i am from United States, I want to use this golden opportunity to appreciate the great spell caster called LORD MASUKA for helping me get back my relationship with my ex boyfriend, my bf left dumped me for another guy few months ago i really love him so much and my was so hurt my life was shattered without her in my life, one fateful a friend of mine introduce me to this powerful spell caster who i contacted, he performed a powerful spell for me and within 24 hours To my greatest surprise my ex boyfriend came home on his knees that i should find a place in my heart to forgive him,i was truly astonished and shocked when my ex bf knelt down begging for forgiveness and for me to accept him back.. I am really short of expressions, and i don't know how much to convey my appreciation to you LORD MASUKA you are a God sent to restore broken relationship. And now i am a joyful man.Email: Via: lordmasukaspelltemple@hotmail.com Anyone that is in the same line of problem or having difficulties in there marriages should contact: lordmasukaspelltemple@hotmail.com or call his mobile number +2347053105287 or visit my facebook page https://web.facebook.com/Lord-Masuka-Spell-Home-291373891376972/



    ReplyDelete

Our goal of this blog is to share stories (both good and bad), thoughts and insights about our marriage and we would love for you to jump into the conversation.

The goal is to provide three things:
1) HOPE for struggling couples that they are not alone.
2) GROWTH in our marriages and our understanding of marriage.
3) ENCOURAGEMENT to keep loving your spouse unconditionally.