Tuesday, May 15, 2012

...Then Comes Foster Baby in the Baby Carriage

As many of our blog readers, friends, and family know it has been a long road to children for us. Even now with our foster son, nothing is certain. But today we have a four month-old in our home and so today our family includes a child.

And a child changes your marriage. How are we dealing with that?

I don't know.

I mean pure and simply, I just have no freakin' clue. It feels like the first two months of Voldemort's life were a blur I have no recollection of. (We've taken to calling him Voldemort online because I got tired of saying "he who shall not be named.")

Seriously, we were told by DCF, "There is very little chance you'll get a baby placed with you."

So of course we got a call about a week old newborn!

The only thing I do remember was my dear friend Alex who was an absolute saint. She came over the day after we got the call, sat on the floor of our mostly bare nursery with me and her 7 month-old baby, while I looked very freaked out and pleaded, "Tell me about babies! What do I do with a baby?!"

Oh yeah and I remember the stomach bug. Puking your body weight is something that sticks with ya. One night Jake and I ended up collapsed on the floor of the nursery, both sick, while the baby slept peacefully in his crib. I remember that vividly.

Since around month two, I feel like we live hour to hour. Taking things as they come and watching a fair amount of television. I feel like SNL and New Girl have kept our marriage from completely falling in the toilet.

I know that things will hit a groove at some point and that I'll have to force myself back into caring about romance and things like hugs. But right now, with all of Voldemort's Dr. appointments, meetings, more meetings, and visitation with his birth parents....and then more meetings, I think it's ok to make sure we're healthy as individuals. It keeps us sane.

We try to go on dates when people offer to babysit. Even if they're just being polite, I latch onto them like a pit-bull. "Yes, that would be lovely. When can we bring Voldy over?"

We try to hug and kiss in the morning and eat dinner together and talk at night. Jake's awesome about giving me time to work and write when he's home. And thank God for a kid who mostly takes two hour naps. Seriously God, I thank you! I try to be chill about guy time for Jake or if he needs to go away for work. We're doing our best to make days off, still actually days off.

But overall, things are definitely different and we'll have to figure out how to adjust.

Today though, I'm okay with saying, "I don't know." And leaving it at that.

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Our goal of this blog is to share stories (both good and bad), thoughts and insights about our marriage and we would love for you to jump into the conversation.

The goal is to provide three things:
1) HOPE for struggling couples that they are not alone.
2) GROWTH in our marriages and our understanding of marriage.
3) ENCOURAGEMENT to keep loving your spouse unconditionally.