My husband is a very handsome man, but he has this ginormous German nose. It's a schnoz and a half. I have a large nose too, but his I think his beats mine in both width and girth. This nose can be tricky to navigate around when kissing and we've dealt with multiple instances of eye gouging. It is a force to be reckoned with.
So there we were working towards having a wonderfully sex-filled evening and his nose kept squishing violently against mine when we kissed.
After a couple minutes of this, I had to stop. Number one, a girl has to breathe. Number two, Jake's nose had squished all the boogers in my left nostril into one giant booger clump and something needed to be done about it. I didn't want to get up and break the sexy mood of the moment, so what did I chose to do? (I know you're all going, "No! Don't do it Melissa!")
Yep, I picked my nose. But wait, this booger clump was not so easily giving up it's cherished home. No, it had decided to go rogue. So there I sat, trying to still be sexy while fishing around inside my nose like a three year old for this stubborn and elusive booger.
Finally, the rogue booger clump was located and dispensed with, but I could not stop laughing. I'm not really a giggling kind of woman, but giggle uncontrollably I did.
Why am I sharing this graphic and slightly disturbing story? Well, because it's funny and also because the point is that after the booger was dealt with and we stopped laughing, we went on to finish our sexy evening. What prepares you for sex and rogue boogers? Nothing! What we see and hear about all the time is that sex is this seamless, confident and arousing experience. Sometimes it is. But many times, it's not. It's awkward and silly and fun and messy and real.
Sometimes marriage is all about these ridiculous moments we find ourselves sharing with our spouses. It's special to be able to laugh and be total dorks with one another. And if Jake and I can do anything to help dispel some of the fantastical hype about what sex should be, well then I humbly submit the rogue booger incident as proof that sex is not always that glamourous. But it sure is fun!