Saturday, June 25, 2011

Marriage in the "Middle"

So we know it's been a while since our last blog. And's because life has gotten a bit crazy, a bit messy, and a bit overwhelming. I (Melissa) have been asked to share with our church what's been going on with Jake and I lately. A sort of adoption/fertility testimony. It's rather terrifying!

As I've been trying to sum up our experiences so far, I keep coming to this "in the middle" phrase. We're literally in the middle of our story. And it's not always so fun here. It's scary to think about adopting a child that has been hurt, abused, and/or neglected. It's not part of the plan. It's not what normal people expect out of life. Both of us have been learning about risk and that life is matter what. We've been learning that life does not always go according to plan and that really no one is in control of their fate. God is.

We're also not at the end of our journey. We can't say that we have anything figured out. We don't know if we'll get matched with one kiddo or two. We don't know what age or gender they will be. We don't know what special needs they will have. We don't know how this will change our marriage.

Some days I feel like I can't breathe, simply because of all the unknowns and because we are so "in the middle". I LONG for an end.  I so want to be able to stand up in church tomorrow and tell people, "This is what the Lord taught me and this is what the Lord has done for us."

But, we're just in the middle. Still learning and still struggling. Sometimes learning is beautiful and exciting. Sometimes it's just gut-wrenching.

Marriage is also all about the middle. No matter where you are in life and how many years you've been married. Life hits marriages with so many ups, downs, challenges, and joys. Most of us expect things to be perfect, or that we can work hard enough that one day we will arrive at perfection in our marriages.

The truth is, while we're all on this earth, there will be no perfection. We'll always be in the middle of learning something new about ourselves, our spouses, or about how to make our marriages better.

I love the lyrics to the song "Let Go" by Frou Frou.  It goes :

drink up, baby down
mmm, are you in or are you out
leave your things behind
'cause it's all going off without you
excuse me, too busy you're writing your tragedy
these mishaps
you bubble wrap
when you've no idea what you're like

so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown

it gains the more it gives
and then it rises with the fall
so hand me that remote
can't you see that all that stuff's a sideshow

such boundless pleasure
we've no time for later now
you can't await your own arrival
you've 20 seconds to comply

so let go, jump in
oh well, whatcha waiting for
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown
so let go, just get in
oh, it's so amazing here
it's alright
'cause there's beauty in the breakdown

This song really touches a nerve for me right now, as it's easy to see everyone else around me living what I consider to be the "normal" life. I envy them and I do spend too much time pitying myself and the struggles and challenges that Jake and I face. However, the more I learn to let go, trust the Lord, risk things, and embrace life in all it's joys and sorrows...the more I realize that God is truly amazing. He can redeem anything and He loves people who admit "I'm in the middle." God knows we're not perfect. He knows all of us are scared about so many different things. I really think He treasures the moments where we can admit how messy and uncontrollable things are and then turn to Him.

So, I hope you'll all understand how in the middle everything is for Jake and I right now and that we care so much about this blog and about marriages. We're just living and working and figuring things out right along with you all :)


1 comment:

  1. Hi Melissa,
    I just wanted to thank you for sharing your heart so honestly. My husband and I are currently at the end of a nearly three-year life change/decision and waiting on the Lord for that final word to tell us where to go next. But right now, we're.still.waiting. Your blog captured EXACTLY how I've been feeling too! I bet you'll find a lot of people tell you the same thing after you share your testimony tomorrow. Good luck!


Our goal of this blog is to share stories (both good and bad), thoughts and insights about our marriage and we would love for you to jump into the conversation.

The goal is to provide three things:
1) HOPE for struggling couples that they are not alone.
2) GROWTH in our marriages and our understanding of marriage.
3) ENCOURAGEMENT to keep loving your spouse unconditionally.