Thursday, December 9, 2010

Reverse First Date

Within any relationship, you have good times and you have  more difficult times. One thing that we struggle with often is talking...not stalking...but talking.

First off, we have both been pretty busy lately and when that happens we don't tend to have a very broad range of topics to discuss. We can talk about work/church related things pretty easily, but beyond that we struggle with other topics.

Second, diving into emotional topics has still been a little difficult (more so for me than Melissa) because of the miscarriage and fertility issues. Questions like, "How are you doing?" and "What are you thinking about?" almost feel like landmines. It's important to check in and care for one another but sometimes you just need to focus on other things in order to stay hopeful.

Third, after being together for 9 years, we know pretty much everything about one another. What's left for us to ask?

With all of these things going on right now, we went on a date last week to a really cool restaurant and could just sense that it felt like conversation was gunna be tough. Melissa threw out a question we've asked before: "What did we talk about when we would stay up all hours of the night talking when we started dating?"

I replied, "We got to know one another - family, growing up, favorite things etc. But we know everything about each other now."

So we got this idea to test how much we really knew about the other person and decided we would have a bit of a reverse first date that evening. In a sense, we would quiz each others knowledge about the other. I would ask Melissa, "What are my three biggest goals in life?" and she would have to come up with what she thought I would answer.  And vice versa.

A pretty simple idea, but it ended up providing a great night of conversation. Actually some of our best in a while. Not only did we find out that we in fact didn't know (or at least remember) everything, but we had some great spin off conversations based on the different questions.

So, if you ever have trouble talking with your spouse or even boyfriend/girlfriend and feel like you know each other too well, put it to the test. You might be surprised.

Jake

3 comments:

  1. pretty awesome man

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  2. WE've struggled with talking also. Sometimes the conversation flows, other times it doesn't. I talked Rob into taking me to Starbucks awhile back because that's what we used to do when we were dating. We used to get some coffee and sit at a table and talk for hours. One of our first dates was to Starbucks and I remembered how much fun I had just talking with him. The Only trouble this time was that after we got our coffee and sat down, we couldn't find anything to talk about! So much for recreating our first date! hehe... Glad to know we aren't the only ones!!

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  3. Thanks for writing this, it is encouraging. ~777

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The goal is to provide three things:
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2) GROWTH in our marriages and our understanding of marriage.
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