A reader asked, "What were some of the struggles you guys went through during the engagement process; how did you get through them? After getting engaged, I feel like some issues that my fiance and I had were magnified times a bazillion. My sister who has been married for over 2 years now said that arguments with her now-hubby got worse after getting engaged. How come nobody talks about the fact that this could happen?! It feels like everyone just expects you to be 100% joyous all the time because now you get to plan a wedding."
Good question! We've actually been talking to engaged couples lately who are going through the exact same thing.
To be honest our engagement wasn't super stressful. Mostly because dating had been a hell ride of dealing with pasts and problems.
However, we know a ton of couples find that getting engaged seems to create more tension. It makes sense that this would happen because now the relationship is much more serious. Now you two have to get down and dirty on important life issues. Engagement is the time where a couple truly starts to mesh their lives together....and realistically this takes a lot of work and solution finding.
It can seem that maybe you're not "meant" for each other, but most likely you and future hubby are totally normal. Sometimes engagement can bring out problems or issues that couples actually can't seem to work though and they call the marriage off. But usually most issues can be worked through and compromised on.
It just seems so much worse because everyone expects you to be blissfully happy. Oh, and on top of all that planning a wedding in this day and age is ridiculous. It's intense and uber time-consuming. Many brides get engrossed in wedding details and couples fight more about wedding stuff then actual relationship issues.
I don't know why there is the social stereotype of crazy-happy engaged couples and sex monkey newlyweds (yep I said it!) when realistically these are the years of your life together when you should be expecting the most tension in the relationship.
The good news: It's normal! Just ride it through, work on the issues, and have hope. Being married 5 years now, I can say (knock on wood) that things do settle down and get to a much calmer place.
Hope that helps!