Monday, June 28, 2010

Vacations and Feature for www.relevantmagazine.com

As some of you know Jake and I are now relationship columnists for Relevant Magazine Online. There's a new feature up called, "Talking About Sex While Dating." Check it out at:


It's summer finally...and it's when most of us go on vacation. Vacations are meant as times of relaxation, rest, and rejuvenation. Sometimes though, marriage seems to get in the way of all this rest and wonderfulness. In all honesty I never expected to have relationship issues about vacationing. I mean, come on, how can you fight when you're at the beach? But after five years I've learned; marriage can turn anything into an issue!

How then, do we make sure that vacations are reasonably drama free and relaxing?
Some helpful things to agree upon would be: place, living arrangements, time spent on vacation, a budget, and what kinds of things you will do. Duh! Right? Yes, most of us would think of these things...but what Jake and I have found is that agreeing on all of them and trying to not be selfish about what we each individually expect out of vacation is hard! Like, really much harder than I thought. I know I'm selfish...but don't realize how selfish until someone(namely Jake) intrudes on how I would like to spend my time off.

Jake loves to keep moving...to plan, plan, plan and then do, do, do. I, on the other hand could spend all day lying about, reading, and eating. Jake is pretty relaxed about money and I stick to a budget. I give up after ten minutes of researching vacation destinations while Jake is a master at this and can search for hours. We rather clash on most vacationing things.

We each want our own way though....and who doesn't when it comes to relaxing? So it actually does take sacrifice, compromise, and understanding to make vacations times that both of you can enjoy. Annoying though it is.

There are also family traditions and expectations to consider. Will you vacation with either of your in-laws? Is that going to be an every year thing or just once in a while? Do you or your spouse expect to spend all of your time together on vacation? Or do some things separately?

These things can be really easy to work through if you just do it ahead of time. We've found that feelings often get hurt or mis-understandings happen when we leave discussions until we're actually on vacation. Soooo many fights could have been avoided! Try to be pro-active about talking through what vacation will look like that year and what you both expect out of it. (Before you go away)

Time off is so important in marriage. We all need time away with our significant other to re-connect, relax, and remind ourselves how much fun we have together. We hope that you all have great times this summer to play and enjoy your relationship!





1 comment:

  1. Got a little holiday vacay coming up this weekend with my hubby and the in-laws so these tips are coming right in time! Thanks!! :)

    ReplyDelete

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