Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Good vs Bad OR Preferred vs Not Preferred

So it's been a little while since we have blogged collectively and even longer since I have blogged personally. To say the least, I have been having a rather heavy month as we have had a lot of things going on.

Out of everything, what has been most heavy for me is the whole aspect of getting pregnant. This month has marked almost a year since we started trying and I never, ever thought it would be this difficult. To make matters harder, it seems like everyone around us and their mothers (no not literally, just a figure of speech) is either getting pregnant or adopting.

Melissa keeps joking about this saying, "Babies, babies everywhere but not a drop to drink."

Seriously though, since we have started trying to get pregnant, we have had close to a dozen people we know get pregnant (and some have head their babies already) or begin the adoption process...all of this after we decided to start trying! There have been at least two who get pregnant without even trying too.

Now, I do want to be direct and blunt that both Melissa and I are really excited for our friends and both of us love babies a ton. My Facebook picture is currently of me and my friends daughter asleep on my chest. Some people in the same situation stop hanging out with friends because of jealousy or whatever and we're not going to do that. But at the same time it's really hard to not get caught up in the issue of, "Why not us?"

We're ready for it. We've been married for almost five years and want a change. Both of us have dreamed about wanting a family. Why isn't it working? What are we doing wrong? What if we can't ever have biological kids? It's been hard lately to not be angry at God for things not going my way...

Today, at a Youth Workers network meeting one of the guys shared the phrase that is the title of this blog. As we talked about getting out of the way and letting God work, he shared that there is a big difference between labeling something good or bad versus saying that something happening is preferred or not. That really challenged my way of thinking.

Would Melis and I prefer to be pregnant right now or already have a baby? Yes! But obviously, that is not God's plan right now. And I have to constantly remind myself that it isn't a bad thing but just not my personal preference.

Melissa has been really great about this saying, "We can either waste our time and energy being ticked that God isn't doing things our way or we can just sit back and let Him do His thing."

That is really hard for me right now and specifically with this issue! But, Melissa is 100% usual ;)

My prayer right now for myself is that God would teach me to be patient and wait in Him. To sit back and allow Him to work and move in His timing. Romans 8:28 has been specifically helpful: "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them."


Some questions to think about (we'd love your comments on these!)
  • What helps you through times when things aren't going your way?
  • Has your family ever dealt with this same issue of trying to get pregnant? What gave you hope?
  • If you are facing a situation right now that is not preferred, what could God be trying to teach or show you in that?

1 comment:

  1. For us, the struggle is that we would like to start trying to have kids but we're not in the place financially where it would be responsible to do so yet. And getting to that place is proving to be a lot harder and take a lot longer than we thought. We get impatient and it seems like everyday another of our friends gets pregnant. And while there is a part of me that is always waiting for the time to come when we can start trying, I think God is teaching me to make the most of this season of life and that he has opportunities to use me now for his glory in ways that he won't be able to once we have kids. For example, I come in contact with a lot of people each day (I work as a bank teller) and have the opportunity to love and pray for a lot of people. It's amazing what personal details people share with their bank tellers. After we have kids, we've decided we would like for me to be a stay-at-home mom. While I will of course still have relationships outside the house, the chances of me knowing the intimate details of such a large number of people's lives is pretty slim. So, I try (sometimes successfully, sometimes not) to wait patiently and allow God to use me each day.


Our goal of this blog is to share stories (both good and bad), thoughts and insights about our marriage and we would love for you to jump into the conversation.

The goal is to provide three things:
1) HOPE for struggling couples that they are not alone.
2) GROWTH in our marriages and our understanding of marriage.
3) ENCOURAGEMENT to keep loving your spouse unconditionally.