Friday, March 26, 2010

Funny Moments

In marriage there are times where life is just goofy and funny and weird. One such moment for us was last night. Jake and I were both in bed but not quite tired enough to go to sleep. Sometimes this produces weird moods in us. Jake started singing in falsetto purely to annoy me. And yes it did annoy me, not because he's totally odd sometimes but because even in falsetto the man still sings better than me! One of my unattainable life goals is to sing well.

So while Jake is singing in falsetto I start trying to talk to him about how in Jesus' day everyone lived in intense community. And I was wondering if God made introverts, then what did the introverts do in Jesus' time? I guessed they were the shepherds. Then I got to thinking out loud what a raw deal that was....because everyone knows they shepherds were out in the fields with the sheep all alone for a long long time. So then I was trying to convince Jake, still singing in falsetto, that it was simply unfair for the introverts to have to be the shepherds. As he did not listen and continued singing I yelled, "I miss Jill!! She would talk with me about the sheep and the shepherds!!!" Jill was my college roommate and we would often stay up late talking about weird things.

Then we both laughed at each other and went to sleep. I don't remember my dreams...but they must have been weird.

Marriage is really fun sometimes :)

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Good vs Bad OR Preferred vs Not Preferred

So it's been a little while since we have blogged collectively and even longer since I have blogged personally. To say the least, I have been having a rather heavy month as we have had a lot of things going on.

Out of everything, what has been most heavy for me is the whole aspect of getting pregnant. This month has marked almost a year since we started trying and I never, ever thought it would be this difficult. To make matters harder, it seems like everyone around us and their mothers (no not literally, just a figure of speech) is either getting pregnant or adopting.

Melissa keeps joking about this saying, "Babies, babies everywhere but not a drop to drink."

Seriously though, since we have started trying to get pregnant, we have had close to a dozen people we know get pregnant (and some have head their babies already) or begin the adoption process...all of this after we decided to start trying! There have been at least two who get pregnant without even trying too.

Now, I do want to be direct and blunt that both Melissa and I are really excited for our friends and both of us love babies a ton. My Facebook picture is currently of me and my friends daughter asleep on my chest. Some people in the same situation stop hanging out with friends because of jealousy or whatever and we're not going to do that. But at the same time it's really hard to not get caught up in the issue of, "Why not us?"

We're ready for it. We've been married for almost five years and want a change. Both of us have dreamed about wanting a family. Why isn't it working? What are we doing wrong? What if we can't ever have biological kids? It's been hard lately to not be angry at God for things not going my way...

Today, at a Youth Workers network meeting one of the guys shared the phrase that is the title of this blog. As we talked about getting out of the way and letting God work, he shared that there is a big difference between labeling something good or bad versus saying that something happening is preferred or not. That really challenged my way of thinking.

Would Melis and I prefer to be pregnant right now or already have a baby? Yes! But obviously, that is not God's plan right now. And I have to constantly remind myself that it isn't a bad thing but just not my personal preference.

Melissa has been really great about this saying, "We can either waste our time and energy being ticked that God isn't doing things our way or we can just sit back and let Him do His thing."

That is really hard for me right now and specifically with this issue! But, Melissa is 100% usual ;)

My prayer right now for myself is that God would teach me to be patient and wait in Him. To sit back and allow Him to work and move in His timing. Romans 8:28 has been specifically helpful: "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them."


Some questions to think about (we'd love your comments on these!)
  • What helps you through times when things aren't going your way?
  • Has your family ever dealt with this same issue of trying to get pregnant? What gave you hope?
  • If you are facing a situation right now that is not preferred, what could God be trying to teach or show you in that?
Our goal of this blog is to share stories (both good and bad), thoughts and insights about our marriage and we would love for you to jump into the conversation.

The goal is to provide three things:
1) HOPE for struggling couples that they are not alone.
2) GROWTH in our marriages and our understanding of marriage.
3) ENCOURAGEMENT to keep loving your spouse unconditionally.