So....does anyone else gets super annoyed when you find that you and your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend/fiance are having the same fight over and over and over? I do! It's so utterly infuriating!
You take all this time and energy into working through a problem...you talk, you cry, you try to communicate well (which works off and on for us) you get frustrated that the other person seems to be speaking martian...and they feel the same about you. Then after 10 hours of going round and round about "feelings" and "needs" and "compromises" and "solutions"...you both feel exhausted but the problem seems to have been solved. Hurray!
Then next week hits....and you find that you and your significant other are having the same exact fight about the same exact thing again! And it happens again the next week and the next week. What is going on?!
I don't know. It baffles me. I was hanging out with my girlfriends the other night and they were giving me some sound relationship advice and we were also a bit giggly (well I don't really giggle...but that's neither here nor there) ...we were laughy let's say.....and my friend busts out with, "Why do I always have to be the one to change? Why is it me that is "too emotional" and why can't he change?" Then my other friend goes, "Yeah, I tell my husband I was this way when you married me. I am an 'as is' honey!"
We had a good laugh. But I think it's how I feel a lot...and how Jake feels a lot. I don't want to change....it's too much work and it makes me feel bad about myself. I'd rather like me thank you very much. Maybe we both need to change....maybe that's why fights happen over and over, because neither of us wants to change and the way to get out of the cycle is for both of us to make effort.
I can see Jake nodding his head right now and going..."Um yeah...I say that all the time!" And he does. And he's right. But the only way to make it work, is for both of us to be responsible for ourselves. I don't think it will help to keep tabs on the other person...that just becomes nagging which isn't super fun to do or receive. I think we each as individuals need to take responsibility for change and work at making healthy choices for our marriage.